Why vote? Indian elections 2014.

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Went to cast my vote at Bain School, Kilpauk at about 10:30am found my booth and was waiting in a queue to exercise my right in this democracy. An old man and his wife tried to move past my place in the queue and I informed them that they need to stand in a queue and they excused themselves and went and took their place in line.

I had an Amit family standing in front of me waiting to exercise their right. Apparently one of their family members a guy named AMIT joined them much later and a guy from their family who was standing in front of me asked him to come join them in front.

Annoyed me: Should we not follow a queue especially since we are voting in a democracy.

amit: This is not a Democracy man.

AMIT: This is not a democracy. You are a joker.

Annoyed Me: Shut up man. You guys don’t even know what you are talking about.

amit and AMIT: you must be an illiterate joker.

Annoyed me: Mr. Booth officer please ask the police to come and regulate this queue.

AMIT : you must be a joker

Annoyed me: Dude, I am not even talking to you.

amit: AMIT was standing in the queue and he had gone out on some important work.

Angry me: Mr. Booth officer policekaranga enga sir? (Where are the policemen?)

two police men turn up asking in Kovai Sarala’s voice ” Enna inga prechanai Enna inga prechanai??? (What’s the problem here? What’s the problem here?)

So the booth officer tells them that AMIT has jumped the queue and that I had questioned them and there was some argument and I had requested for the policemen

Police to me: Saar Konjam adjust pannikonga.

Angry me: Naan en Saar adjust pannanum. Queue system simple vishayam ingayavidhu follow panalamla. ( why should I adjust sir? Queue is a simple system we should atleast follow it here.

AMIT: you must be illiterate. Are you trying to show of?

Angry me: dude, I am not even talking to you so please shut up.

Police officer to me: Saar prechanai pannama vote podunga Saar. (Sir, please vote without causing any trouble)

Angry me: Saar prechanai naan panala. Kelvi ketta prechanai Dhan pola Namma naatula. (Sir, I am not the one causing the problem. Looks like questioning causes problems in this country. )

Booth officer: Saar adjust pannunga saar.

Some lessons I learnt after today’s incident

1.) If you question anything or anybody in the Indian democracy you will end up being called an illiterate joker.

2.) We Indians are assholes.

3.) The truth in the old Tamil saying “dushtanai kandal dhoora vilagu” Keep away from the bad guy.

4.) amit and AMIT think that India is not a Democracy.

5.) We need someone to overlook our actions. We cannot function in an disciplined manner by ourselves.

6.) We Indians have a solution for all the problems in this world ADJUST.

Hope you folks have cast your votes. But remember whoever comes to power never,NEVER ever question them. Because just as amit and AMIT pointed out this is not a democracy.

Sadly this incident happened with an Amit. But some Indians on a whole don’t like following the queue system. We love to beat the man in front of us.

If a government can regulate a simple queue, I think we as a country will be the best. This is precisely the reason why you need to go and vote. Vote for change. Vote for a better India.

JAI HIND!!!

P.S.: Someone needs to do a cartoon series on amit and AMIT. It will be very popular. Especially in the south. 🙂

Be Food Aware

You are what you eat though some people also believe “You are what you wear” we will talk about that in another post. Food can bring out a variety of emotions from you. Convenient food, Ready to eat food, Central Kitchens, Fast Food, indian catering services singapore food, there is so much out there. I am overwhelmed by the variety of food products that seem to hog Super Markets these days. It’s sometimes mind boggling the kind of marketing jargons that are used to sell food. Mc Cains is a case in point. Their Tagline says Fresh Banega, Baat Banega. Just think about it, how is it possible for packaged food to be Fresh. I am not against these products themselves, just don’t fall for that marketing talk.
Be food aware. Know what you eat and teach children about the food that they consume. Here is an infographic by Food Revolution about why Food Education is needed.
by FoodRevolution. Browse more infographics.

 

Tickler of Tonsils

Sharing a sweet kiss with a loved one should not only be spontaneous but also with Love and Affection. If you have plans on tickling the tonsils of your loved one in public then you should consider getting a room. Affection in public is cool. But then Tonsil tickling, breast rubbing, penis rubbing, dry humping, ass grabbing is so NOT cool. Surely not in a public park for the viewing of all and sundry. I know there are people who feel that love should not be inhibited. But the acts that I have mentioned above may not be an embarrassment for you shameless people who indulge in it but it is surely an embarrassment for those who have to see you.

After checking http://uvuperformance.com and having watched too many English Movies, IndianTonsil Ticklers now feel that Tonsil Tickling in public is cool. The way you tonsil ticklers are doing it is way too CREEPY and SLY. You can’t give your lady/guy love a full passionate kiss with your eyes closed and the lips doing the work. You have to have your eyes wide open looking for people who are watching you. It is like you get a kick out of people watching you (Voyeur of Voyeurs). Your tongues should be cut off. You are not fit to kiss. Atleast not in public.

I am not against kissing or holding hands or even cuddling in public. But going at the guy/girl of your present dream, like he/she may not be around tomorrow makes me feel that you have paid the guy/girl by the hour and now you are trying to make use of her like you would use a whore. Not only are you not respecting him/her but you are making a public spectacle out of it.

Anyways I wish and pray and hope that the next time you tickle his/her tonsils he/she will puke on your face. The next time your tongue is in his/her ear it starts oozing pus and when that happens I hope someone takes a picture of the state of your face. Would truly be a KODAK moment. Happy Tickling!

Some Interesting stuff I read.

http://thisladysays.blogspot.com/2007/10/public-display-of-affection.html

http://www.fodors.com/community/europe/public-displays-of-affection.cfm

http://www.speakeasy.org/~jmabel/travels/pda.html

http://eurout.org/2009/08/05/penny-your-thoughts-public-display-affection?page=0,3

http://www.nypress.com/article-14228-lust-life-public-displays-of-affection.html

The First 24

Yeah I have been up for the past 24 and I hope to be awake for for the next 24 too.  I just cant sleep. If I shut my eyes I feel like a car is going to run over me, HEAD ON!!! Scary Shit. I have not had nightmares like this in a while so I am enjoying it while it lasts. I have had suggestions to pop sleeping pills but I think if I remove my lenses for a bit I should be fine. I am not FB’ing or twittering or Gtalking or doing any of that shit. I am just sitting here browsing the internet and doing some pending work and yeah ranting on my blog. Please don’t give me suggestions on how I should try and sleep. I am fine the way I am. I just hope to be in a condition to get to work tomorrow.and complete the next 24

P.S. : I have been awake for 72 hrs non stop But that was 5 years back and it was a fitter version of me. Do you think I can beat my record???

Update I did Twitter after all. Click Here to see me my twits

Sathya and Vishwa – Part 1

Have you heard of Vishwa? If not please Read ahead…If you have and chances are you have. Still go ahead and read on.

There was a discusson during the Chennai Photowalk. Everyone wanted to know who Vishwa is? Well this Video is of Sathya with his Vishwa. Yes the peacock feathers represent Vishwa (Read about Vishwa Here.Coming up next : Dilip’s Version of Vishwa). Strange that Sathya would hold body parts of a peacock and pose for photos.Something he normally wouldn’t do…

He is a narcissist though, so the poem goes

 

A Peacock

Is Holding Peacocks’ feathers

Adadey!!!

All said in Code language. He is a Master Cipher and talks a lot in code language.So decipher what he was trying to say.If you know the message please feel free to leave a comment and I would take you out for Dinner if your answer is right. The catch is Sathya will be the judge. Good Luck!!!Cheers!!!

Photo Courtesy: Amirtha

Excuse me Boss!!!

Well, let me assure you this has nothing to do with my boss. Well to tell you the truth my team in FindNearYou.com is probably the coolest team. We get to meet celebrities and do a lot of cool stuff and the best part is FindNearYou.com is one big happy family kinds. Lots of fun. But as I said this is not about work so…

I was invited by Alexandra for a beach get-together one Friday evening. (This was happening in the same beach where they have a memorial upon which people piss all the time. Infact one friend of a friend of a friend even found a couple making out. If someone would come too close their secret code was tch…tch…) So Alexandra her boyfriend Arnaud, Laury and me got some sandwiches and then went in search of the picnikers. We found them sitting right at the beach front drinking beer.(Is that not illegal?) Anyways there were men and women, young and old, chatty and quiet, students and office goers and the best, French and German. They were in separate groups and I could catch some words in French. Though the German skidded away to glory over my bald head. I realized I have a prejudice that the German and French are like sworn enemies. (Well if you are wondering why, you really need to bruch your history!!!) But they were nothing of that sort, though they sat in separate circles they were all mingling and jingling.

After a while people started getting up and I was like “Finally picnic over”. But while that thought was running I realized these people were walking towards the sea. They were going for a swim. They were changing right over there with the local boys who were watching all this passing nasty comments.

But before too many people realized what was happening they were having a ball in the dirty salty water. There were some who had stayed back, like my friends Arnaud, Alexandra, Laury and Camille. Slowly a crowd was gathering around us and I was like ” These guys have gone crazy” But a group of guys walked up to me and started talking to me.

Boy1 : Excuse me Boss!! Hello Boss!!!

Boy 2 : Are you from foreign?

I was really in no mood to talk.

Boy 1 Excuse me Boss. Are you working or Studying?

Boy 3 : Dai Avarukku English Theriyadhunnu Ninnaikiren( I think he does not understand english)

Boy 1 : Excuse me Boss. Just talk something.Let us have friendship.

I was wondering “Is he Gay and hitting on me?” I just ignored him and after a while they left having realized no one was talking with them.

I keep wondering why he kept saying “Excuse me Boss” he should have called me MOTTAI BOSS!!!!. Bleddy Fella!!!

For an Audio Version excusemeboss

Ctrl + D – Bookmark yourself to Glory

Bookmarks have been around for a long time. Even before the web decided to happen. But it is strange that today we have so many kinds of bookmarks in this era of web 2.0 that we have forgotten teeny weeny Mr. Bookmark. When I was in school bookmarks was one of the most cool things to have. It had a fan following of students teachers and parents alike.

Some students had the unfair advantage of having stay at home moms. Moms who would cover their notebooks neatly. Label the Notebooks and then stick a bookmark to a thin ribbon and paste it in the top inner spine of the book. Some of the mother even got the initials of their children drawn on the bookmark. I always found it ridiculous that parents would go through such trouble so that the children can show off their unique bookmarks to their classmates. I thought that bookmarks were too sissy and that they did not have the intended cool factor. So I never had one. (I Could effectively turn pages.)

So the parents loved bookmarks, my friends had so many bookmarks all stuck to their notebooks and the best part was they came with all kind of designs and I remember Tom and Jerry, Popeye, Asterix, TinTin and so many more and the lady teachers simply loved bookmarks. Because they said that it made life easy for them when they corrected the students Home Work(HW). Most teachers would be pissed off at me for not having placed a bookmark at the appropriate pages. Anyways there are too many bookmark stories. Basically I hated bookmarks when I was a primary school student at Don Bosco, Egmore.

Something happened at work which reminded me of bookmarks. We were in a meeting and  we had a discussion about bookmarks and how we could use them and Amousia man who is a SEO Specialist( He is brilliant at his job) says “We are already bookmarking all that needs to be bookmarked. Amousia man is too focussed to even understand what is happening in a world outside his SEO world. Wake up Amousia Man and smell the roses. there is more to life than just Ctrl + D .

8 = Saneeswaran (Saturday God)

Life is full of bullshit but sometimes when you hear weird things like “My partner (in life) believes in numerology and so I avoid the number 8” now that’s taking it too far. Our society has evolved and hopefully will keep evolving but one thing that has not changed even among the educated is the “Art of Controlling”. Now that’s a fine art to master. But again you don’t want to be control freaks.

Anyways about the Saturday God, he is the son of the Sun God and Chayadevi (Shadow Goddess) Now Chaya Devi is actually the Shadow of Suryans Wife, Samjana Devi. Yeah kind of confusing right. Click here and read the story in detail.
There are a lot of stories related to the Saturday God. What he can do? All the troubles he can give etx etc. But there is this girl I know, Sita is her name and Saniyane her favourite word. So I called her up on a SATURDAY and this is the Conversation we had…

Aravind : Hey Saniyane Sorry Sita.

Sita : Enna da Nakala????(What making fun of me HUH?)

Aravind : No you keep using it and I am kind of hooked on to it now. Dhandam. Shit Sorry again…

Sita : Oh Ok. So now I am to be blamed. Anyways why did you call me up? (Girls get straight to the Point don’t they)

Aravind : Oh just to tell you that.

Sita : Tell me what?

Aravind : That you are the cause for me using the word Saniyane.

Sita : Oh really, Are you drunk or something?

Aravind : Oops… Sorry… (And I hung up.)

Anyways just to let you all know. I don’t drink and drive, Drink and Talk Oh!!! I actually dont even drink. My vices are in a direction that you can’t imagine. Don’t worry as long as your friends with me you will never get to find out.

But it is true that 7.5 is what is equated to Saneeswaran I guess some mathematician numerologist dude decided to approximate 7.5 to 8 and make 8 the Saturday Gods number. I think they should make 7 the unlucky number. Afterall Saturday is the 7th day. Now it is also a known thing that Chevvai (Tuesday) is also an unlucky day. If we take 7.5 and add the digits 7+5=12 => 1+2=3 and Tuesday is the third day of the week. So thats where this is going. So if two days in a week are unlucky we have 104 unlucky days in a year. Now multiply that with 50 million people(Let’s say half the Indian people don’t believe in this Nonsense)
Well so we have 50million x 104 man days when people think that it is an unlucky day. What will these people do on these days. Nothing new will be undertaken. Whattay waste of Time?

Anyhow we will soon be a Vallarasu Naadu (prosperous Country). Because we still have Information Technology. And we perform pooja for the computers. Right said… Computers are our Gods now.

Sanee Maharaj Ki Jai!!! (Long Live the Saturday

King)

In The Summer Time

This is my first TAG… And I found it Very Hard and Tough.But I persisted and Have made my way through.

I was tagged a long time back BY ROFL .This is the message he left as a comment.

roflin onne tag panniyachu .. I hope that’s how you say it..
Anyway, you’ve been tagged at www.rofl.co.in.. yeppadi? 😀

That’s a brave attempt at Tamil Written in English. A skill I’ve failed at miserably. My Cousin Sister inds it funny and she says I should make an effort to improve.

Anyways ROFLIN I have done it. Not A TAG VIRGIN Any More…

Taillines Today : So Mr. Nameless What was it like losing your Tag Virginity?
Nameless : Oh Just as I said Before “This is my first TAG… And I found it Very Hard and Tough.But I persisted and Have made my way through.”
Taillines Today : Do You Have Anything else to say?
Nameless : Yeah you freakos. Stop making Sensations out of Nothing. It ain’t a skill. It is A Kill…
And I would like to TAG Gayatri Gangsta Markiv and Nevermind and I will fight for World Peace…

The Rules are Simple
1. Put your iPod (or other source of music) on shuffle mode.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

SO Start Music… Dan danaka daka daka daka….

1. “If someone says ‘Is this okay?’, you say?”
Time – Hootie and the Blowfish ” – Whatever they will make out of it.

2. “What would best describe your personality?”
Not The One – Collective Soul – Yeah I am not the bad one.

3. “What do you like in a guy/girl?”
Spiderman Theme – Aerosmith – Hmmmmmm Not a Spidey Fan

4. “How do you feel today?”
That Don’t Impress me Much – Shania Twain – Yeah Nothing impresses me these days I am becoming a Slave Driver…

5. “What is your life’s purpose?”
Summer of 69 – Bryan Adams – Well I love listening to the song Was born 10 years later though.

6. “What is your motto?”
Tomorrow Never Dies – Theme Music – Why would it Die…Afterall Time and Tide wait for No One.

7. “What do your friends think of you?”
Aum Namah Shivayah – Alms for Shanthi – IS that what they think of me.I doubt it.

8. “What do you think of your parents?”
Jaded – Aerosmith – No Comments

9. “What do you think about very often?”
I’m With You – Avril Lavigne. – And Who is You. Shucks… Looks there should have been a you.

10. “What is 2+2?”
LIES – Diana King – That’s right whatever the answer it is a LIE.

11. “What do you think of your best friend?”
In The End – Linkin Park – They Will be there right there at the end…

12. “What do you think of the person you like?”
We Will Rock You – Queen Yeah I really wanted to Rock Her… Till I realised… What did I realise????

13. “What is your life story?”
Funeral in Carpathia – Cradle of Filth – Am I gonna Die.Though Till now it has been more of a Funeral.

14. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Smooth Criminal – Alien Ant Farm – Imagine my business Card Reads The Pseudonym – Smooth Criminal kewl with a Capital K

15. “What do you think when you see the person you like?”
Everything I do I do it for you. Who is this that I like? I generally Hate Everyone… Just Kidding…. Totally Dedicated to Friends.

16. “What do your parents think of you?”
Gettin’ Jiggy With it. That I am Jiggy,Squigly

17. “What will you dance to at your wedding?”
Runaway – The Corrs Will not be Dancing, Will be Busy Running…

18. “What will they play at your funeral?”
Burning Bridges – Collective Soul Should it Not be More Like Burning The Nameless.

19. “What is your hobby/interest?”
St. Anger – Metallica Hmmmmm Interesting Hobby…Especially when you make a Saint out of it.

20. “What is your biggest secret?”
Beauty Slept in Sodom – Cradle of Filth Hmmmmm…… No Comments.

21. “What do you think of your friends?”
Tequila Sunrise – The Eagles Hah!!!! Yeah most of them can drink round the clock…

22. “What should you post this as?”
In The Summer Time – Shaggy – How apt for this Freakin’ Hot Weather…

When Venu met Sonu…

Disclaimer:
1 This is just meant to provide some tickles. I can even relate it to Cinderella and the Seven Dwarfs, So you should know
What to take in right sense
What to take in nonsense
And please click on AdSense(googles advertisement link)
‘Cause a man gotta make his pence.
2 I am highly prejudiced about marriage as an institution in todays society.
**********************************************************************
Dedicated in fond Rememberance of
Bachelor Venugopal Balagangadharan”
Who is a Brand Addict suffering from a serious disease called brand-o-mania, Who has had to do things the hard way (his words not mine). I bid you farewell brother from the XXX Zone!!!I Am sure you will be happier on the other side of the Altar.
———————————————————————————
With almost all my friends married and most of the married ones having kids, the Bachelors Club just has a few members left.Nandagopal, Girish and me. That’s it and it’s unbelieveable. But it is a proud moment for me not only because I am still single, bald and no girl in her right mind wants to marry me, but mostly because Venu is engaged and getting married on the 1st of February to a pretty girl, Sunaina.
Yeah this is the story of “Beauty and the Beast.”
Now upon time, there is living in Chennai city one payyan named Venugopal. We will call him vennu. Vennu always adivanging(smacked across the face) from twin brother and thituvanging(scolding) from parents. He grew up, studied BA (Economics) in The Harvard of the East and some how got into PSG to study Masters Program In Sarvadesa Vyabaram(International Business). Got good paying job but no girl marry him because all his friends calling him pichakarran (beggar).
One naal, he go for cousin’s kalyanam in Paellakad. There meeting meeting future Father and Mother in law, The Beast (Vennu) in Aaruva Kollaru proposing to in-laws. Daddy moraching (dirty stare), but beast’s confidence hypnotizes in-Laws, they are very impressed. So all fixed, he talks to ponnu by tholai pesi(telephone), Beauty paer sonu, Beauty agrees to meet beast in his kotai(castle, Banglore in this case), so that beast will not become mad and sappidufy(gobble up) her parents.
Beast ore jollu (drooling) in Banglore. But ore sweating also because beauty may say NO to his proposal. He taking her to some shady place (place with a shade, so that he stops sweating and starts stinking) and proposing. Beauty still not understanding Beast. But says YES, because beast looks like a nalla (good) beast and she needs to get away from beasts gappu (stink).
So they finally got engaged on November 1st 2007 in Paellakad,
So another Love story—–>Proposition—–> Marriage At the Altar—–>The Happy Life
I was in Paellakad for the engagement and got bits and pieces of stories from various sources, which have been stitched into a story form. Well all sources were compromised by Single Malt Scotch.
November 1st 2007, Paellakad was under a civil strife**.
**Civil Strife – Civil strife in Kerala is a day declared off BY Mallus FOR Mallus so that SOME Mallus can be put to sleep, eternally.
"Bachelor Party for Venu, with Shakeela and Tequila" Disclaimer:Only for those Horny people with an IQ of less than 10.

Other Related Posts

Jab they Shaadhied
BP,With Shakeela and Tequila

Whisky in a Kukri

That’s a picture of my object of pride for a few years now. “Whisky in a Kukri.”
With *Bhevadas* as friends, what can I expect them to gift me with. Even though I have the occasional drop of alcohol, I keep away from it. I don’t need it to run(or is it ruin) my life.
So that bottle in the picture was a gift from “Aafiser” Major Nandhagopal, who’s in our army’s artillery wing. Location is a secret(Matter of National Security) So this bro calls me one late night here is the Coversation we had
N Nandhagopal
A Aravind
N – Dai Sotta. Eppadi irruka da?
A – Hey bro, doing great man. Whassup with you?
N – Nothing much da. No work here. Just drinking my way to glory. No fighting with this neighbour. Infact I have been talking to my counterparts across the border for some time now.
A – Dai Indhiya Thaayoda perumaiya solluda avangakitta (Tell them Mother India’s greatness). Am glad you are interacting with them. Have you learnt their Language?
N – No No. I am teaching them **Madras Bashai** They seem to pick it up fast. Planning to make that side of the border into a “Little Chennai.”
A – Very happy da. Chennai culture should spread far and wide. I am glad you are putting some efforts in that direction.
N – Dai I am coming to Chennai da.What do you want from here?
A – Machan, I have not seen snow in my life. Can you get me some snow?
N – Sorry da. Not possible. Tell you what, I will get you Quarter Whisky.
A – Machan, ****Manamgetta Monitoraa?**** Has it followed you all the way there. Adha kudicha Liverosis vandhu sethudiven da.
N – No No, What I am getting is 100 times more potent than that.
A – Ayyo so I can’t drink it then. What’s the use?
N – No da sotta,it is Whisky in a Kukri. Kukri is the best pocket knife used by Gorkhas.And No, you shouldn’t drink it. You can keep it, and later it will become Vintage Whisky. It is an investment for your old age.
A – Oh cool da machan. I can display it in my room then. And yeah probably sell it when I am old.
N – Yeah, but you have to promise that you will not even have a whiff of it.
A – Gawd Pramise Machan.
N – Ok , Since I am coming on vacation, you take few days off and we will go visit our professors in Harvard.
A – No problem machan. Come fast. We will party all night and then spend the mornings with ***Kaameshwari***.
N – Ok da, sotta. By, BY
A – Take care Bro, Bye.
Some P.S.’s
* Bhevadas – No not Devadas, Even though he was a Bhevada. Bhevadas is Hindi for drunkards.
** Madras Bashai – Is Tamil which is spoken by people in Chennai. You might need a dictionary to understand what’s being said. It’s a mixture of several languages including Hindi. (Hear ye, my fellow rascist men and women from North India, We are not against Hindi.) Will explain the nuances of the language in another post.
***Kaameshwari is not a mami turned call girl. That’s the name of a mess in West Mambalam which has served us piping hot filter Kaapi and kept us very happy.
****Manamgetta Monitor – Literally translated it means Respectless Monitor. Monitor (for those of you who have not drunk your way to the top) is a brand of whisky which is one of the cheapest in the country. It was priced at Rs.40 for a Quarter between 1997 and 2000. Current price is just Rs.58. This brand makes some people’s life worth living.
Price Courtesy : TASMAC
My closest friends call me sotta (Baldy). No, it does not offend me. I have never had any funny complex because I have no hair left on my head. I am happy I save a lot time, money and energy. Moreover I believe in what’s inside my head, not what’s outside my head.
Strangers who call me sotta, thinking they are being very funny, I call them pottai. So beware of what you call me. he he he.(Actually I don’t care)
And are you wondering about my time in Harvard. Don’t… I will explain that in another post.