She was in her usual place. The place in her head that she turned to when the world around her seemed to spin out of control. Dark, well oiled hair pulled back framed her dark face.
Kamini always wondered why the world around her acted so different. Was it because of her dark skin or the big round eyes which drooped? Her husband spoke about how pretty she was. But she refused to believe his words. He was a loser who still claimed that he loved her so he could pleasure himself in her. She hated him. The nerve of that bastard to go and talk about their intimate moments with his mother. She had considered leaving him and going back to her parents. But then a woman separated from her husband living in her parents house was not something her father would support. She would be far worse off at her parents than she was here with her husband. She gazed back into her past…
Her parents had arranged for her wedding with Shankzzz. He seemed like a nice guy though he was almost a year younger than her. She was hardly given anytime to decide if she wanted to work or study some more or just be home for a while. It was as if she was a burden for her parents. They said they loved her but she knew better. Her mom would persuade her dad to get her married off quickly. Her dad would just agree and act on what her mom said.
She wondered if her dad had always been like that. She remembered all the fun times they had when she was little. He used to call her his little princess but he had changed ever since her body changed. Her mother did not talk to her about the birds and the bees. She was very crude with her explanation of what went in where.
At 13 she was considered a big girl. She was growing to be tall and dark like her father. Her parents kept telling her how hard it would be to find a boy from their caste. Shankzz was who they decided their daughter would marry.
Someone was knocking on her bedroom door. She ran to open it. It was her mother-in-law. Mala, Shankzzz’s mother had come to talk to her about how much she wanted grand children and why Kamini was not making any. She hated it when Mala came to the bedroom she shared with Shankzzz and talk about her having failed to produce a grandchild even after a year of marriage. She knew the speech and had tuned out to think of Sid.
Sid, her guy in college. They would hangout together all the time. She understood the meaning of passion after all the time they spent. She had never known such feelings and emotions before. But she always knew that they would never get married and she had told him that. One New Year’s Eve she had told her parents she was going to a party with some friends from college and had ended up in a car with Sid and three of his friends. They had driven to a beach house near Mahabalipuram and that was the day she had experienced a multitude of pleasures. Heroin, multiple orgasms and multiple partners. She did not resist and she loved knowing that men and women desired her. That was the day she would never forget in her life.
2 months later she found out that she was pregnant and she could not even figure out who the father was. She had told Sid about the whole situation and he had been very supportive in arranging for an abortion. The only problem was that the doctor was a quack and he had been crude while performing the procedure. This had resulted in an infection and she had lost the ability to bear children. No one knew about this except for Sid.
Shankzzz refused to make any doctor visits with her and she was fine as long as no one figured this out. She had been young and reckless. Her priorities in life had been different and most of all no one talked to her about her body. Not her mother, not her teachers.NO ONE… But it was too late to blame anyone now. She did not mind anymore.