My Birthday is around the corner and there is a significance about the date. Yes thats right. Well that was the day the worlds greatest evil genius was born…. If, you know who it is then Claps… And a pat on the back. If not, you need to really brush up your General Knowledge…
I have a secret wish that no one knows of, atleast until now…I want to be a dictator. ( Till date I don’t even dictate to a secretary, I do my own correspondence ) “So what can you do for this country?” you ask.
Here is a list of things that would happen…
- Police will be made to run and the corrupt ones shot all the way to hell. Courtesy Indian Army which will be under my command.
- Bus Drivers, Auto Drivers, Motorcyclists, Cyclists, Pedestrians breaking traffic rules and not respecting the fellow citizen will be dipped head first in hot wax and the hair waxed off their head.
- Only educated people will be allowed to enter politics and they will have to work their way to the top. They will start from being a clerk at my office.
- Terrorists will be given a packet of Original Thirunelveli Halwa and be asked to join the army as jawans, those who resist would be dipped head first in hot wax.
- Corrupt Officials would get a Citizens Arrest ( If there are citizen journalists then why not citizens arrest? )
- Farmers would really have their debts paid off but they will have to shift their way of farming and use the earthworm to plough the soil. Ox will not plough the fields they will help in drawing water from wells.
- Some villages still beat women, strip them naked and do all kinds of shit, such villages will be razed to the ground. if people can’t stand up for their fellow citizen they are not fit to live.
- Wife Beaters, Child Molesters,Rapists, Drug Dealers Kidnappers, Dada, Underworld, Overworld, Picha Pakiris, Zam Bazzar Jakku’s, Saidapettai Kokku’s would be pardonned and given a chance to join the police those who resist will be given a molten steel bath…
- People who want to leave this country and become NRI’s and eventually give birth to PBCD(Phoren Born Confused Desi) can gladly do so. But please leave with some dignity. Don’t be forced to stand on platforms and beg for a Visa from some colorless ass.
- Prostitution will be made legal.And yes Service Tax will be applicable.
- Police will be on high alert, incase Jack the Ripper Strikes again.
- The judicial system will be fast tracked and if a case goes for appeal to a higher court of law then the judge who gave the judgement in the lower court will be given imposition and placed under the watchful eye of BIG Brother.
- Some news channels giving live news like Ms Karaana Kapoom is brushing her hair, cleaning her dog, drinking juice, eating food etc will be banned and their thumbs removed for good.
- People who urinate on roads will be castrated, as the thought of without the hanging there can be no banging is unthinkable.
Any attempts to assasinate me will be received well. But remember that at any given point I will have 5 people impersonating me. Ofcourse if you fail I will give you three more lives and make a game out of you.
Some facts about me.
1. I claim to be a vegetarian.
2. I used to have a Labrador named Hobbes and I used to play Calvin with him.
3. I don’t understand the idea of marriage.
4. Drawing,Sketching, Painting,Photography,Swimming used to be my favourite activities.
5.I don’t follow Cricket, Infact I don’t follow any game.
6.I play Tennis and love the game to bits
7.I have ideas which can probably be funded only by the richest man in the world.
8.I don’t pay alms to child beggars.
9.I don’t pity anyone.
10. I have great friends, some as crazy as me.
11. I never wanted to leave this country.
12. I love anything blue.
13. I don’t like cats.
14. I am a chocolate addict
14.5. I am turning double that number this year
15 I forget to wish people on their birthdays and anniversaries.
I do welcome gifts in any form. Just leave a comment and I will collect it from you personally. Don’t forget it is April 20th.
“Self Publicity is Best Publicity”